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BLOGMATES
JOURNAL ENTRIES
SITE CREDITS
This site is Reishin's,
images©Couchart,
and©Night Frost,
brushes©Forbiddenfire,
layout made by: Dita
UTF-8
http://cracker23.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
audentes fortuna juvat: June 2008
ABOUT ME:
chalkleight
chalkleight
Los Banos, Laguna, Philippines
usually first impression s'kin mataray,masungit and the likes..uhm,sad to say totoo un kc hndi ako msyadong sociable unless there's something in one person that i really like..sbi ng mga close s'kin good listener dw ako but i think im better in ignoring what they are saying pero when i feel n kylangn mo tlga ng mkikinig sau game ako lalo n kung nkakarelate ako s topic mo..'yoko s mga self-proclaimed..those who say a lot 'bout themselves (who cares 'bout them,anyway?) hehehe..trip ko mga humorous kc moody ako..another thing 'bout me is ung temper ko..uhm,it's always at the edge, u knw what i mean..if u nid 2 knw more basahin mo mga testi s'kin kc im sure they say a lot of things 'bout me.. :]
https://draft.blogger.com/profile/15896205344583116855
Sunday, June 29, 2008
24June2008: adik sa pagpasok nang maaga mode..something's very wrong..thanks everyone..
24June2008: adik sa pagpasok nang maaga mode..something's very wrong..thanks everyone..
I was not late on the second meeting of my 7am class, it's not only you, but everybody has been wondering about what sort of bribery was offered to me. it's just not normal for Shara to come in to class before the teacher does. everybody i know thinks it's weird. this early-bird facade. i was even raising my eyebrows at myself for not walking briskly (because there's no point of doing so). getting out of the dorm 30 minutes before the class starts is very uninterestingly freshman-like..plus, more interesting people usually are late-comers.
I was snatched out of my dreamworld when the annoying first notes of my alarm signal started playing. it was only 5:25am but the fear of not being able to be awaken again by the second snooze slightly brought the my adrenaline to the next level. the threat that none of my roommates has a 7am-class was enough for me to get straight out of bed and half-heartedly start preparing for class.
Sensing that the day would be a tough one despite the six hours vacant after the first class, i wore the pink shirt which i considered a lucky shirt and naughtily wondered how far its lucks would bring me.
During the whole class period, i was fighting with my mind to stay in focus with what my teacher was talking about..blah, blah, blah..and after that class, i saw the white witch! (click http://shara0508.multiply.com/journal/item/66/the_green_tea_the_silver_heater_and_the_white_witch ) the studious white witch..and at that moment, i was convinced that the day would not end up well.
Since i have no plan of meeting akr, i stayed at IBS chatting with my microfriends, reading Paulo Coelho's Like a Flowing River, savoring the peace silently, thinking about how to publish a book like Coelho's, et cetera.
When the time for the Professorial Chair Seminar came, i went with gianne to NCAS Auditorium and pretended to be interested with whatever the seminar was about. when cring sat beside me, i gave up on my pretensions and had fun commenting and laughing about who's who and what's what - the normal cring-and-shara tandem. when we got tired, i fell asleep. then after a while, cring got bored and we both got out of the room. she went to irri with pamy and i started with the troublesome registration process. i went to the bank first, then on with the deadly dash to the cashier for payment. (click http://shara0508.multiply.com/journal/item/126/Last-minute_problems..coiled_lines_towards_the_cashier.. ) all in all i spent three hours to complete my registration, starting from getting the money from the bank up to getting the classcards from window10..what's that again? Registration Hassle.
By the time that i attended my last two classes, i was so drained and exhausted but i managed to get thru with the day. though i wasn't able to avoid some mishaps, given the clumsy nature that i have (i guess the pink shirt failed me this time), my friends made it sure that i'll have something to fall back on.
I want to extend my sincerest thanks to the following people who have been of help for me today..
1. Eds for the guidance and morning advices
2. Gen, Jean, Nikki, Gianne and Mhie for the company
3. Cring for making me laugh during the seminar
4. Mike for wondering why i was off line
5. Tita Pam for the invitation
6. Jayson for the upcoming quarter-pounder and Cadbury
7. Pamy for knowing a lot about me
8. Danes and Cring again for inviting me to dinner (which i had turned down..tsk)
9. Joy for remembering my penmanship
10. Jhomar for the pinches which brought me back into paying attention
11. RJ for hearing me out
12. Shayne for always helping me analyze the situation
13. Charis for informing Ja of the state that i am in for two days now
14. Earl for that sweet smile
15. Katrina for bringing me that cake (she might have sensed that i really needed sweets)
16. June for asking what was wrong
17. Karla for listening
18. Cindy for always making me look into the brighter side
19. Ja for laughing with me
20. and to the one reading this..thanks for the time..
^_^
Shayne:
Sobrang daldal ng biologist na ‘to (soon to be), aakalain mong DEVCOM. Huwag mo lang syang titingnan, or else, never kang makakasingit sa kwentuhan. She’s fun to be with, parang di nagagalit. Laging masaya, especially when she’s talking about her boylet, at medyo nalulungkot these past few days dahil sa mga nangyayari. She’s so witty, full of sense. Mareklamo minsan, at matutuwa ka sa mga sunud-sunod nyang sasabihin. Well, shara, keep up the good the work, iwasan ang pagka-late..
Charis:
-napakatotoo sa sarili..sinasabi nya whatever she feels like saying..
-she’s witty, in the true sense of the word
-masayang kasama at kausap, no dull moments when you’re with her..
Jonna:
-madaldal, di ako nababagot pag kasama ko sya..
-masayang kasama
-kung di ko sya gaanong kilala aakalain ko na mataray sya..
Ussel:
-madaldal
-enthusiastic during conversations that interests her
-sometimes tactless
-very articulate in oral skills and in writing too!
-very transparent (her eyes mirrors her soul)
-quite impulsive
-cramming is her passion
-very emotional
-physically tough but sometimes emotionally fragile
-easy-go-lucky
-quite reserved
-knows what she wants in life
Pamy:
-independent woman
-transparent
-moody
-frank
-optimistic
-carefree
-impulsive (bigla-bigla na lang gumagawa ng isang bagay)
Cindy:
Ahmmm..ano ba?! Seryoso na ito. May paninindigan sa kung ano man ang pinaniniwalaan. At masyadong showy sa kung anuman ang nararamdaman. Higit sa lahat, isang mabuting kaibigan. Saka pala todo kung umiyak..parang wala nang bukas!
Katrina:
-fun to be with
-independent
-nagturo sakin na pwedeng alcohol nalang instead of facial cleanser..hahaha
-kayang hindi umuwi kahit lapit lang ang Batangas..haha
-can compromise her exams basta makipagdaldalan..haha with sense naman
-she has lots to share
-nice to talk to..she’s so expressive in sharing her sentiments
-I saw her inloved.. I was happy for her.. uh, happier now!!hehe
-masipag
-nag-survive ng isang linggong walang cellphone
-gamit ng phone nya: not for text or call..alarm clock daw, instead..nyahaha
-can withstand cramming..effective pati..
-scholarly..pero parang hindi..
-magaling magsulat
-mahilig magbasa
-simple and pretty
-I can open my apprehensions sa kanya
-Masama magalit
-Ready
-Mahal kong kaibigan at roommate..
I’m just happy having the chance to meet and be close to you. Thanks sa friendship. I hope we won’t remain as dormates but friends talaga for life. I love you, ate Shara! Remember that I’ll be always here for you..walang limutan! Pansinin mo ‘ko kahit asa pedestal ka na..hahaha advance happy grad! Congrats!
Kathrine:
She is kind and nice. She seems to know what to do. A very outspoken person.
Remi:
A sociable, humble, amiable, reliable and awesome friend, hehe..
Makhys:
-simple
-maingay
-matagal patahanin sa pag-iyak
-maka-Diyos
-mapagmahal
Vicky:
-baliw kay ----
-palaban
Lea:
-prangkang tao
-sinasabi ang nasa isip at nararamdaman
-totoo sa sarili, walang pretensions
-masayahing bata
-madalas naka-smile maliban nalang kapag naaalala at naiisip si ----
-palaging late!! Define late!!
-At madalas pang tulog sa klase..
-Shara!!anong petsa na??!!
Mia:
-optimistic and light-hearted
-strong-willed, seemingly never scathed by negativism
Tina:
-friendly
-laging naka-smile
Bina:
-I know you as a sentimental and emotional person
-You’re inlove right now!hehehe
Jean:
-malakas ang loob
-masaya kasama
Fair enough. for my last sem of stay here in the university, im experiencing this so-called hassle of registration. first and definitely the last time.
As of now, im approximately one hour away from the cashier..and i've been standing here for 30 minutes already patiently calming my mad stomach!!
Yesterday, the last-minute problems i encountered on encashing my check was about my oh-so-important second name. the two IDs that i have presented have the MAE's on it, while the check contained only SHARA..hayy it was one way of hell to remind me that i should always affix my second name on important documents.
The extension of the late registration process is not yet confirmed so it is understood that a big bunch of crammers should be here until the extension is announced.
Whow!! i guess i still have 45 minutes more to waste here. if only i have some aliens to talk to while waiting, then im sure i would not be able to reach this terrible level of boredom.
1:15pm
It seems like for the past whole week, and up until now, my longing for **** is not enough for the whole universe to conspire to grant me this childish silly wish....
But that can't be. because there is not an hour that i would not think of him. call me stupid, so what??
I think of him so much that i sometimes double check on myself whether i'm still at my right senses or i have indeed gone as crazy as my friends have already assumed me to be. laugh at it, i don't give a damn.
This kind of unrealistic feeling, how long would it last??I'm nuts, no doubt about that.
I'm pointlessly missing him..and i'm sure he knows it. this really sucks but i have to admit that i am pathetically being taken for granted..and this time i can't pretend that i don't care..honestly, the pain inside is ruthlessly tearing me..and the strong winds with heavy rain outside might be the world's awful way of making me hurt more..
it's the last day of the first week of classes..nothing much of significance has happened..hayy what will i expect anyway??
MCB102 - Virology (a Korean exchange student asked for my number..nyahaha pang-international kasi ang charms ng lola mo!!hahaha teacher ko dito yung teacher ko sa MCB1lab..noong hindi ko pa alam na may salita palang pasaway..)
MCB150 - Microbial Ecology (sa lect, pa-bibo ng konti, ayun, plus 10 points bonus ang lab section namin dahil sa microbial infallibility; sa lab, walang pasok kahapon e..)
VMCB124 - Fundamentals of Immunology (ewan nga kung tinatakot lang ako ni Doc or totoo yung mga sinabi nya..shit..ayokong magpa-tumbling tumbling dito next sem dahil lang sa isang two-unit course na mababagsak ko this sem..but so far, the subject really caught my interest..it's quite challenging..hindi ako inaantok..at alam kong hindi ko kayang matulog..)
HFDS11 - Human Development (dito ko unang naranasan ang prerog..ayos naman..mga bata ang kaklase ko..dalawa lang kaming senior at bio dun..human and family development studies pala yung hfds..kala ko kasi human and food..hahahaha joke lang.)
FRCH10 - Grammar and Composition (extra course..hindi yata required i-pass..pero sayang naman yung chance ko para matuto ng ibang language..first meeting, no class..magandang start..hehehe)
BIO199 - Undergraduate Seminar (sino kayang teacher dito??sana yung adviser ko..hehehe)
15 units..san naman kaya ako magiging sobrang pasaway this time??pero dapat hindi na talaga ako pasaway kasi seryoso na nga akong aayusin ko ang last sem na'to..
oo..balik-loob-sa-totoong-pag-aaral mode..
medyo na-miss ko nga rin yung pakikinig nang maayos sa klase..yung pagno-notes..yung pagbabasa ng academic readings sa gabi..yung pagiging totoong estudyante..at ang pinaka na-miss ko e yung pakiramdam na alam kong may natututunan ako..looking back, i regret those times that i have taken for granted my teachers' effort to make me learn those things that i supposedly know by now.
sa VMCB124 sobra ang pressure..honestly, natatakot ako sa subject na yun..nahihirapan daw kasi ang mga bio students dun e kasi with respect to animals na ang approach..so dapat alam ko rin kung ano'ng itsura ng atay ng baboy, ng baka, ng manok..hayy...parang gusto ko ng mahalin ang mga halaman ah..pero alam ko kaya ko yun..at oo nga pala, classmate ko dun si ***** *******..ang aking freshman-crushlife..hahahaha napakaliit lang talaga ng uplb..kahit na nag-shift sya, nahuli ko pa rin..nyahaha
i'm writing nonsense..mas mabuting mag-usap nalang tayo..hayy
ito ang huling unang araw ko ng klase..sa susunod na unang araw ng pasukan para sa mga estudyante pa rin, nasan kaya ako?
sa mga susunod na araw, balik sa dati ang buhay ko..late sa pagpasok, tulog sa klase, hindi nakikinig, malayo ang iniisip, ngarag sa deadlines..
karamihan sa mga kaibigan ko ay nagpayo sa'kin..sa iba't ibang paraan, pero iisa naman ang kahulugan.."ayusin mo na, last sem mo na e."
hayy..
malala na ba talaga ang sitwasyon ng Pilipinas??na parang napakalaking bagay ang kung sakaling pagpalpak ko sa mga huling sandali ng aking karera sa pag-aaral??
hayy ulit..
sabagay, lahat ng bagay ay magkakarugtong..sige na nga..aayusin ko na ang nasira kong buhay..at sana nga maayos ko..hindi naman siguro mahirap gawin yun..kailangan lang ng disiplina..at yun ang mahirap makuha.
disiplina.
disiplina sa lahat ng bagay.
nakakasakit ng ulong isipin kung paano ako madidisiplina ulit..hindi na kasi ako nakikinig sa sarili ko..huh??weird..
basta..naiinis ako sa mga taong nagkakagulo sa labas ngayon..hindi ko kasi malaman kung ano na ang dapat kong gawin..bigla kong nakalimutan..
at yun ang mas nakakainis..palagi akong nakakalimot.
heck!!ang aga-aga e pinainit nito ang ulo ko..not that i have no sense of humor..this is outrageous..and i'm not happy about this one.hindi lang ako makapag-react sa gm.shit.
i am a woman..at hindi, kahit kelan, ako papayag na ganito lang ang tingin ng mga tao sa mga babae.darn.
seryoso, ang init ng ulo ko ngayon.
WOMEN AS EXPLAINED BY ENGINEERS
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Although I have always wanted every night to end as soon as possible, also there is always this dreadful feeling of getting out of bed every morning only to find out that the sun has already started grinning up there. (It must be the absence of that too familiar as-long-as-you-love-me alarm signal of my pathetically murdered, junked and dumped cellphone.)
Every next day is worse than the previous..it's the boredom that gets worse every day..so worse that I can't do anything to shake off the feeling of being sucked into nothingness. This empy bubble which is trapping me helplessly again is never fun..i wish i could just fly out of this misery.
Anything won't seem to help..even a two-hour bath is not appealing..even sundaes taste disgusting..even the sight of books is nauseating..and even any kind of music is irritating..but when silence started engulfing me, all i want to do is scream..but then, even if i shout my lungs out, no one will hear me.
This is one of the times during when being alone proove to be worse than hell. all i can hear now is the electric sound of the two fans..the seldom alert of a message received by my cellphone..the naughty cheers of the insects in the night..and the rest is silence, which is totally, horribly and incredibly deafening enough for me to almost wish that i can hear the ghosts around me, which are surely teasing me right now.
I'm getting nuttier and crazier. and i'm writing senseless here. but who will dare blame me? the good side of my brain was already swallowed by the webmaster..tsk.
Yeah..what an insane mockery..argh!
10,000 bedbugs, dustmites and other unidentified insects.
1,000 cobweb-makers.
100 baby beetles and ants.
10 kilograms of dust.
1 old spotted ugly cockroach.
I let my room breathe. I free it from those listed above (um, except for that one yucky monster cockroach; I wasn’t able to kill it or idiotically run after it; surely, sooner or later, I would just be seeing it madly fighting the air, because of its upside down position, or hopefully, lying dead; and besides, it is alone, single, and wouldn’t be able to propagate unless I let another yucky monster cockroach enter the room, which of course, would be impossible. I’m sure it will commit suicide in no time..nyahaha)
I don’t know what has gotten into me. Might be the hell of living with bedbugs, et al which had formed their own ecosystems inside my ecosystem. These past few nights, they crazily got my wits out of me. In any case, this sickeningly cleaning-up session is really mysterious, well, Papa might even call it a miracle if he would be able to see what I did.
Today is Saturday, I should be on my way home, but knowing myself, I always find instant delaying tactics. Right now, I’m taking a rest while writing here. I know I should finish this one before anything else happens.
I woke up at 5:30am. Pretty unusual. Actually, this past whole week, I accidentally started embracing early-bird-dom. Why accidentally? Hmm.. I accidentally fell asleep every night at a little past 12, and then I would accidentally wake up after five and a half hours and decide whether I will run around the field or hide under my blanket. I usually settle on the latter.
This morning, when I accidentally opened my eyes and saw that it was as usual 5:30am, I just stared at the ceiling for 15 minutes, and had some stupid random thoughts run inside my still snoring brain. Bedbugs, dustmites, cobwebs, cobweb-makers, dust, cockroach..all those freaky images. Some more dumb thoughts were about my inconsiderate cell phone, about the people running out there, about the ghosts inside the dorm, about the creepy cats down there, about having a boyfriend sooner, about what I did the whole week and the likes. I also remember thinking about the sunrise, my family, my friends and myself. Yes, I also thought about **** and seriously cursed myself for still thinking about him and the childish, wishful and pathetic possibilities that I thought I almost had.
After a while, I noticed that the zzzzz’s were nowhere to be found and that only the dirty cobwebs hanging in the ceiling were in sight. I got up and frantically started fixing, wiping, sweeping, folding, sweating, sneezing and scratching. I almost behaved obsessively and compulsively. (Weeee!!OC??)
I hate cleaning up because I can’t stand having to deal with dusts and allergies that they cause. Good thing some sensibility was extracted from me this morning when I realized that I won’t get rid of those dust unless I start cleaning up. I’m having skin allergies (so uncomfortable and irritating, but I can’t do anything about them) and slight whistles right now..and backaches, dirty hair, sticky sweat, goosebumps..darn..but in spite of all those, I know I should finish this one before anything else happens. Argh! Cleaning is really insane!!
Bakit ganon? Kapag gumagawa ako ng mabuting bagay pakiramdam ko malapit na ‘kong mamatay?
Weird..yung thought..hindi yung pagtatagalog..
Syempre para sa’kin ang paglilinis ay isang mabuting gawain kaya talagang tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kanina..bakit ko ba ‘to ginagawa ? E nakalagay sa eskedyul ko sa isang linggo pa’to..mamamatay na ba ako mamaya?
Weird ulit. That’s why I know I should finish this one before anything else happens. Who knows..??
While doing the cleaning mystery I just did, I couldn’t help but silently ponder on that thought. The inevitable. I realized that I’ll have no last will and testament! What will happen to my things? To my belongings? To the garbage I got from the past? (mga kasentihan e..)
Will they throw them? Burn them? Bury them? How about my journals? Will they read them? Publish them? Make a movie of my life out of them? Or simply ignore them?
My journals are the most important things that I own. I make them. I write them. The only things that I own legitimately..and I wish that somebody else, if not me, will publish them in the future.
You think I’m crazy don’t you? Well, yes I am. I am crazy for if ever I will indeed be leaving this world later this day, I wouldn’t be able to tell my Creator that I have lived a meaningful and inspiring life.
And the most probable things that will burst out of my mouth will be:
“Your Highness, can I have another chance?...
Of course, the following will also be included:
With those 21 things, you think I’ll be given another chance? Will I be readmitted? Or will I just sit in heaven (Yes, in heaven!), stare blankly at nowhere and silently wish for that another chance?
God has always been the greatest. I know He has His best plans for me. And with those plans, I’ll be happiest.
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
I can’t recall anything strange that has happened which could have evoked those thoughts..except for some comments about my usually high energy levels, unexpectedly good grades in my summer classes, hyperacidities, malfunctioning of my cellphone, nostalgia-like encounters over the toiletries (click: http://shara0508.multiply.com/journal/item/115/nakakalunod_ang_amoy_pag-ibig )...what else??
Strange dreams?? None.
Strange people?? None.
Strange activities?? None..except for this cleaning-the-whole-2204 mania.
Maybe nothing will happen to me.
Maybe this is not my last entry yet.
If in case this is it, then be ready, for I’m sure you’re going to miss me..terribly..
^______^
nakakasar naman..ang haba nung ni-type kong entry..darn!!..nawala lang..kainis talaga!!!