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BLOGMATES
JOURNAL ENTRIES
SITE CREDITS
This site is Reishin's,
images©Couchart,
and©Night Frost,
brushes©Forbiddenfire,
layout made by: Dita
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http://cracker23.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
audentes fortuna juvat: April 2008
ABOUT ME:
chalkleight
chalkleight
Los Banos, Laguna, Philippines
usually first impression s'kin mataray,masungit and the likes..uhm,sad to say totoo un kc hndi ako msyadong sociable unless there's something in one person that i really like..sbi ng mga close s'kin good listener dw ako but i think im better in ignoring what they are saying pero when i feel n kylangn mo tlga ng mkikinig sau game ako lalo n kung nkakarelate ako s topic mo..'yoko s mga self-proclaimed..those who say a lot 'bout themselves (who cares 'bout them,anyway?) hehehe..trip ko mga humorous kc moody ako..another thing 'bout me is ung temper ko..uhm,it's always at the edge, u knw what i mean..if u nid 2 knw more basahin mo mga testi s'kin kc im sure they say a lot of things 'bout me.. :]
https://www.blogger.com/profile/15896205344583116855
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
may day eve
may day eve
"Guardia sereno-o-! A las doce han dado-o-o!"
..and it was May again. It was the first day of May and witches were abroad in the night, for it was a night of divination, a night of lovers, and those who cared might peer in a mirror and would there behold the face of whoever it was they were fated to marry...
honestly, i had been silly enough to try that shall we call it ritual?
once..
Mirror, mirror
show to me
him whose woman
I will be.
and you know what happened?
ta-dan!!!
nothing, of course.
asa pang totoo yun.
pero malay mo, if you wish sincerely enough...nagmamadali kasi ako nun..kasi natatakot ako.hehehe
"If all goes right , just above your left shoulder will appear the face of the man you will marry."
would you try it?
http://www.angelfire.com/la2/prose/mayday.html
..she closed her eyes and whispered the incantation. When she had finished such a terror took hold of her that she felt unable to move, unable to open her eyes, and thought she would stand there forever, enchanted. But she heard a step behind her, and a smothered giggle, and instantly opened her eyes...
it's a very good story..isa sa mga sobrang na-appreciate ko nung high school..mahirap 'to makalimutan e..kaya tuwing last day of april iniisip ko kung gagawin ko ba ulit yun..
ngayon??malabo e..nabasag kasi yung malaking salamin namin sa kwarto..sayang..sakto sana, ako lang kasi mag-isa sa room.
..but alas, the heart forgets, the hearts are distracted, and maytime passes, summer ends; the storms break over the rot-ripe orchards and the heart grows old; while the hours, the days, the months, and the years pile up and pile up, till the mind becomes too crowded, too confused: dust gathers in it; cobwebs multiply; the walls darken and fall into ruin and decay; the memory perishes…
yes, summer will soon end..
Excerpt26April2008,2:45am
Wow!ngayon nalang ulit ako umabot nang ganitong oras. Shayne and I had two Korean films despite my supposed to be resistance. Dapat hindi ako magpupuyat para makatakbo bukas/mamaya. Pero ano pa nga bang asahan sa’kin? Medyo na-miss ko na rin kasi pagpupuyat.
Ang daming nangyari sa buong araw ko (25April). I woke up late. AKR requested me to come early at the office so that I’ll be able to finalize the ASM (American Society for Microbiology) poster for the international lounge of PSM (Philippine Society for Microbiology) convention in Boracay this May 8-10.
8:30am ko na nabasa yung message nya, e 9:00am nya ako pinapapunta kasi may meeting daw sya. Demanding ang lola mo!! What’s the point of hurrying up? I’m sure I’ll be late anyway. I can’t do the magic of getting myself ready in less than 30 minutes. It only works during the regular sems. I moved normally, this time skipping breakfast. Hunger was not able to catch me. Early morning sugar rush maybe. Because of the cake I plunged myself into the previous night. No kidding, I really ate a lot.
By the time I got into the office, AKR was gone to her meeting. Just then I remembered my paper which was to be submitted on my afternoon class. I didn’t work on it immediately though. I faced AKR’s poster first. I’m tired of academic requirements. Two hours before my class, I found related journal articles for my term paper topic. I had no choice but to work on that crap. I finished it just in time for the deadline. I even had time to browse some articles about Rizal’s heroism (see entry PI100: ___________)
My two classes went fine. PI100 became a little interesting while STS1 stayed as boring as ever.
When I was to go back to the dorm, I passed by the graduating students practicing for tomorrow’s event. That was when this damn feeling started loading my whole system, drowning my heart.
I should have been one of them. I should have been as excited as everyone else. I should have been yelling there too. I should have been preparing myself and practicing with them too. I should have been..
Don’t get me wrong. I feel no regrets. It’s just that being left here for another sem scares me. Really, it does. I don’t want to go yet and neither do I want to stay. Ang labo nga e. Let’s just put it this way: I hate goodbyes. I dreaded to see people go and say “See you next time..” The hell with next time. Next time is indefinite and saying so is as good as farewell. And damn it. I’m always the one who is left behind.
As that feeling soaked me all over, I felt the need to run again. But I can’t. Both the upper and the lower fields were occupied by the graduation stages. I just contended myself by walking until I got to nowhere, until I got exhausted and until I found out that I have already wasted P500 just to forget the crazy emotion which was eating me up inside. Magastos talaga malungkot. Mahal ang kaligayahan e. And at the end you will just end up realizing that the burden stays there, and weighs the same.
Gee..I want it all to finish so that I’ll be over this dilemma. If only I could just drink and die just like in the Korean films.
This is not getting me somewhere. The glass is always half-full remember? Hakuna matata!!
Good mornight.
Excerpt26Arpil2008,6:30pm
Right now I can hear the emcee of the program mentioning the names of the graduates. I can imagine each of them..smiling, walking with pride, moving towards their diplomas.
Each name wounds my heart – deeper and bloodier if followed by an honor. If only I could just plug my ears with anything so that the sound wouldn’t reach me. But even if I do so, I know I’ll hear it. If only I could just go somewhere and hide, or run so that I can escape the awful ceremony. But even if there is some place that I could go to, I know I’ll remain here, to let myself whine inside.. I should have been one of them. I should have been as excited as everyone else. I should have been yelling there too. I should have been preparing myself and practicing with them too. I should have been wearing that black and cap too..
Hay..there they are again..the I should have been’s..but I’m not in any case part of it. Instead I’m here trying to focus in the world map spreading sin front of me trying to figure out the route that I’ll be taking someday, trying to memorize every part of it so that the chances of getting lost would be very slim..isn’t it dumb? And trying to ignore the names of my batchmates being roll called to walk up to the stage and complete the graduation rites while their friends are cheering in the background.
Why am I not there? Huh! Can’t you see that I might collapse and would not be able to get up again?? Even if I have no mirror in front of me now, I’m sure that I’m pale.
Excerpt27April2008,2:30am
Umaga na naman. Puyat na naman.
Natapos na ang grad. The fireworks lifted my mood a little and made me able to stand the several pictorial sessions with my friends. I was even smiling in front of every cam. Whether I was faking the smiles or not, that I don’t know.
Nakauwi kami 10 minutes after midnight. Pina-reserve nalang nina Pamy, Jonna and Ussel yung
Pagkauwi, nanood muna kami ni Shayne ng isa pang Korean movie. Kakatapos lang. Bitin as usual. Trademark na yun ng Korean films.
I’m feeling better now. Tapos na yung grad e.^_^
halata namang hindi pa ako nakaka-get over sa movie kagabi..
the art of seduction.
feel good story lang..actually malabo nga yung ending e.pero ayos yung gitna..uhm,syempre compared dun sa mga movies namin the previous nights mas okay 'to..as usual, compromised na naman yung paper ko due mamayang 2:45pm..
2:45pm??!!damn! 25% ng term paper yun!and you haven't started anything yet!and not even in the mood to think about it..what's with you??
well, mahirap talagang magbago.
kaya pinipilit ko talagang tumakbo after ng class para mawala yung WF-effect na yun..kapag kasi tumatakbo ako mas nagiging regular at in-pace yung paghinga ko..buti nalang may nahihila akong kasabay..
gee..naubos lang oras ko sa pagbabasa ng mga blogs..worth it naman kahit medyo humapdi na mata ko dahil talagang all-eyes ako sa monitor..bakit worth it??
1. naka-relate ako nang sobra sa ibang entries ng mga hindi ko naman friends dito sa multiply
2. naka-relate ako ulit..super...
3. natawa ako..at salamat sa mga entries na nakapagpatawa sa'kin..medyo dull ang araw na'to para sa buhok ko e..in fact, i hate this day.
4. nung natawa ako..nakalimutan ko ang ilan sa mga worries ko..swear..
5. basta, worth it talaga..kung hindi ka naniniwala, bahala ka..ganon naman lagi e..
argh!!ayoko nang tumingin sa binti ko..grabe na talaga ang muscles nya..parang ayoko na ngang pumasok mamaya sa WF..wee!!!pero dahil hindi ako sumama sa fun run kanina, wala pa akong guts para um-absent.
tsaka shara..perfect attendance ang target mo ngayong summer di ba??
hayy..nakakapang-lambot talaga..may skit presentation pa kami mamaya sa STS1 sa boring kong teacher at boring na klase..lahat nalang boring!!palagi nalang..kakasawa na!!help!!
the day is just starting..pero gusto ko na 'tong matapos..im sure exhausted to the nth level na naman ako mamaya..pero mas mabuti yun para pagkahiga ko tulog agad..wala nang time para mag-senti pa.
know what?
i want the whole world to hear this: MALUNGKOT AKO!!
and darn it..kasi walang may pakialam.
...
...
On my way here, I met the WPI111 man again. We had a nice little chat but, darn, I still don’t know his name. I wasn’t able to take the smile off my face the whole day..darn again..he’s so good to look at. The next time I met him, I’ll surely know his name..silly..
Pagdating ko sa room, sobrang lungkot kasi ako lang mag-summer classes sa’min kaya I decided to stay here at Pamy’s room. Nandito sina Pamy at Jonna hanggang graduation, at si Shayne na makakasama ko until the summer ends..busy kami gabi-gabi sa pagkekwentuhan at panonood ng DVDs.
This morning (16April), I started the first day of my summer classes..my first class was still at 1pm but I was forced to get up and move early because I still need to register myself. It took only 10mins to complete it. Pretty fast. Thank God.
I bumped with Sir Dumlao on my way to NCAS. After my catastrophic plunge to delinquency last sem, it felt surprisingly good for my teacher to still remember my first name and greet me using it. It really feels great to be remembered. Thank God.
…
…
…
Nakaka-pressure na ang pagkainip ng mga tao sa paligid ko..pati ba naman daw pagkakaroon ng boyfriend hindi makakaligtas sa pagiging crammer ko?hayy..problema ko na yun..
I’ll have one when time press harder.
When AKR saw me, she immediately asked about my grades last sem. She expects me to work as a teacher at BioSci after I graduated. In short, she expects me to graduate with honors. I confessed my tragedy. She just laughed and said, “Masama ba talaga yung last sem?” hay..if only she knows..and when she does, I’ll hide my face.
My 1pm class was PI 100. The teacher talked busily about Dr. Jose Rizal while I was having difficulty in focusing my attention on what she was talking about because I can’t help but let my silly brain to imagine what Pamy’s reaction will be when I tell her that my seatmate is ***** ***. Her obsession since first year. We’ve been classmates before in Chem 16 and 17. He’s beauty, body and brains. Not the cup of my tea, but Pamy’s. I didn’t fall asleep during the class and the whole period I was sitting with him I can smell chocolates..hahaha One thing really bad about the subject was that there was somebody on my back who laughs harder than hell. Papansin. Nakakaasar. Parang sya lang ang marunong tumawa. Nakakawalang-gana tuloy. E wala naming kwenta yung jokes ni ma’am. Badtrip talaga.
Second subject: STS1. Equally boring as PI 100. Same classroom. Almost the same classmates. I was really lucky kasi classmate ko si ****!!at naging groupmate ko pa!!wahhh!!!(shara?!um, hello??elementary ka ba??)
Third subject: PE 2-WF. Medyo nakakapagsisi kung bakit naisipan ko pang mag-extra PE..ang init kasi e..
Productive naman kahit papano yung first day ko di ba??
I'm living the lives of those in NY Nights. That is, for the time being.
-getting up at midday
-sleeping in the morning
-eating any time i want
-watching tv until who-knows-when
-and things alike (texting and internet surfing cannot be done in NY Nights..
)
without anybody who seems to care.
Very funny how easily i can relate to that game. How easily I can stand the routine of every life in that mini world. How easily I can choose a girl or a boy I can hook up with, and eventually, how easily I can dump or be dumped depending on whose role i play. This tragically boring summer vacation prompts me to go to Sports Club (to do cardiovascular workout, to go to spa or sauna, or to exercise my biceps), to Club Sunrise (to do platform or floor dancing, to drink beer,etc., or to work as a cashier/bartender), to Style Salon (to have a tan, to have a pedicure, or to blowdry my hair), to Coffee Shop (to take a brunch, to read the news, to play video games, or to work as a waitress/waiter), to Lincoln Center (to watch movies, to go to theater, to concert, or to work as a singer), or just stay home (to eat pizza, drink milk, watch tv, sleep, wash up, fix hair, or change clothes)..pretty easy life, isn't it??
In each place, though, I have to interact with other people (4girls and 4guys) to boost up my friendship, and to level up my popularity counter..the highest level that I have attained (taking the role of a guy) was the Star level..yep, I became a guy star after being dumped by 2 girlfriends (to whom I hooked up with again after having a steady relationship with the 3rd girl), and eventually courting the 4th girl, ending up with four girlfriends at a time..and..also 4 boyfriends..tsktsk..
This game makes me sick, but I have no choice but to play it..be a part of that creazy little town with crazy little people..likewise, this boredom kills me..but you know what??I have no choice but to live with it..pathetically live with that curse..
just for this time being, i hope.
kumpleto na subjects ko!!
at hapon lang lahat ng classes..
.
..
...
....
.....
......
.......
........attending a Sleep Festival.....
z
zz
zzz
zzzz
zzzzz
zzzzzz
zzzzzzz
“Kahit i-5 kita sa final paper mo, hindi ka pa rin finalist..ang sipag mo siguro..” sabi yan ng fil20 teacher ko..
sipag?!!e malapit na nga akong ma-convince na hindi Tan ang middle name ko kundi Tamad..
Pinakamabigat kong sem to in terms of acad load (hindi units)..daming lab e..at ngayon talaga ako inabot ng sobrang katamaran at kapasawayan..
The peak of my delinquency..but God still proved to be good..i survived..safe pa rin from final exams..although kelangan talaga ng paliwanag sa mga magulang ko ang grades ko ngayong sem..hahayyy..not that they demand an explanation..defensive lang talaga ako.
MCB130lect:
I’m sure di lalampas ng limang beses na pumasok ako nang maaga sa subject na’to..
MCB130lab:
Kanamycin..TAE buffer..dalawa sa mga pinakapalpak na reagents na na-prepare ko..laging wala sa huwisyo e..kaya laging source of error si shara..tsktsk..
BIO120lect:
Panalo quiz notebook ko dito..ang daming theta..sisihin ang absences at lates..
BIO120lab:
Talent ko??paggamit ng pipet..ahahaha at pag-akyat sa bubong sa likod ng biosci para sa papaya leaves..
ZOO173lect:
Walang meeting na naging mentally present ako dito..swear..
ZOO173lab:
I love to listen to intelligent teachers..and sir ryan happened to be one of them..yun nga lang ang lakas ko rin topakin dito..nagiging scratch lahat ng papers na mahawakan namin ni pamy during this class..
FIL20:
Ayokong maging aktibista..yun lang..
HIST2:
Paborito kong tulugan..nasa blindspot ako e..at lullaby talaga maririnig mo sa classroom namin..kung gising naman ako, nagsusulat ng journal..
BIO199a:
Ayaw nila akong magtanong..ewan ko ba kung mahirap tinatanong ko or nadadalian lang sila..pero ayos talaga suot ko nung nag-seminar ako..hahaha
Average ko?hintayin ko nalang IBM..ayoko mag-compute..katakot e..
Uhh..don’t get me wrong..wala akong pinagsisisihan..
I deliberately ignored my acads, yes..but the thing is I enjoyed doing so..
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of storm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it. It will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. that's what the storm is all about.
-Crow, pp. 5-6
Soon, I’d be launched into the rough adult world, and I knew I’d have to be tougher than anybody if I wanted to survive.
-Kafka, p. 10
A dark omnipresent pool of water.
It was probably always there, hidden away somewhere. But when time comes it silently rushes out, chilling every cell in your body. You drown in that cruel flood, gasping for breath. You cling to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but the air you manage to breathe is dry and burns your throat. Water and thirst, cold and heat -- these supposedly opposite elements combine to assault you.
-Crow, p. 10
In traveling, a companion, in life, compassion…chance encounters keep us going. –Kafka and Sakura, p. 24
What does it matter what it's called? You've got your restrooms and your food. Your fluorescent lights and your plastic chairs. Crappy coffee. Strawberry-jam sandwiches. It's all pointless - assuming you try to find a point to it. We're coming from somewhere, heading somewhere else. That's all you need to know, right?
-Sakura, p. 25
Even chance meetings are a result of karma..that even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.
-Kafka and Sakura, p. 35
Slowly, like a movie fadeout, the real world evaporates. I’m alone, inside the world of the story. My favorite feeling in the world.
-Kafka, p.62
Waiting was a boring task.
-p.90
Everything is there, but there are no parts. Since there are no parts, there’s no need to replace one thing with another. No need to remove anything, or add anything. You don’t have to think about difficult things, just let yourself soak it all in.
-p.90-91
But listening to it (D major), I can feel the limits of what humans are capable of – that a certain type of perfection can only e realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.
-Oshima, p.118
As I sit there under the night sky, again a violent fear takes hold of me. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute, and I can barely breathe. All these millions of stars looking down on me, and I’ve never given them more than a passing thought before. Not just stars – how many other things haven’t I noticed in the world, things I know nothing about? I suddenly feel helpless, completely powerless. And I know I’ll never outrun that awful feeling.
-Kafka, p.142-143
You’re afraid of imagination. And even more afraid of dreams. Afraid of the responsibility that begins in dreams. But you have to sleep. When you’re awake you can suppress imagination. But you can’t suppress dreams.
-Crow, p.145-146
Silence is something you can actually hear.
-Kafka, p.146
You’ve got to look at it this way: this is war. You’re a soldier, and you have to make a decision. Either I kill the castor you kill me. One or the other. You need to make a choice right here and now. This might seem an outrageous choice, but consider this: most choices we make in life are equally outrageous.
-Jhonnie Walker, p.151
You have to look! That’s one of our rules. Closing your eyes isn’t going to change anything. Nothing’s going to disappear just because you can’t see what’s going on. In fact, things will be even worse the next time you open your eyes. That’s the kind of world we live in, Mr. Nakata. Keep your eyes wide open. Only coward closes his eyes. Closing your eyes and plugging up your ears won’t make time stand still.
-Jhonnie Walker, p.155
Kafka, in everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in every few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.
-Oshima, p.171
..what I’m getting at is no matter who or what you’re dealing with, people build up meaning between themselves and the things around them. The important thing is whether this comes about naturally or not. Being bright has nothing to do with it. What matters is that you see things with your own eyes.
-Mr. Hagita, p.201
Yup, you’re in a strange position, all right. You’re in love with a girl who is no more, jealous of a boy who’s gone forever. Even so, this emotion you’re feeling is more real, and more intensely painful, than anything you’re ever felt before. And there’s no way out. No possibility of finding an exit. You’ve wandered into a labyrinth of time, and the biggest problem of all is that you have no desire to get out. Am I right?
-Crow, p.253
As long as there’s such a thing as time, everybody’s damaged in the end, changed into something else. It always happens, sooner or later.
-Miss Saeki, p.259
If a pistol appears in a story, eventually it’s got to be fired.
-Anton Chekhov (Colonel Sanders), p.300
…necessity is an independent concept. It has a different structure from logic, morals or meaning. Its function lies entirely in the role it plays. What doesn’t play a role shouldn’t exist.
-Colonel Sanders, p.300
…whether you come to a place to live or to die, the things you do everyday are about the same.
-Miss Saeki, p.304
The people who build high, strong fences are the ones who survive the best. You deny that reality only at the risk of being driven into the wilderness of yourself.
-Oshima, p.329
Taking crazy things seriously – is a serious waste of time.
-Hoshino, p.352
Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.
-Colonel Sanders, p.352
…but until things happen, they haven’t happened. And often things aren’t what they seem.
-Oshima, p.365
But this is something you have to figure out on your own. Nobody can help you. That’s what love is all about, Kafka. You’re the one having those wonderful feelings, but you have to go it alone as you wander through the dark. Your mind and body have to bear it all. All by yourself.
-Oshima, p.365
…It doesn’t matter what form she takes – a living spirit, an illusion – but you have to see her, have to have her beside you. Your brain is so full of her it’s ready to burst, your body about to explode into pieces. Still no matter how much you want her to be here, no matter how long you wait, she never appears. All you hear is the faint rustle of wind outside, birds softly cooing in the night. You hold your breath, staring off into the gloom. You listen to the wind, trying to read something into it, straining to catch a hint of what it might mean. But all that surrounds you are different shades of darkness. Finally, you give up, close your eyes, and fall asleep.
-Crow, p.369
Chance is a scary thing.
-Hoshino, p.380
Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.
-Miss Saeki, p.408
Like I’m being shoved from behind by sine huge heartbeat, I continue on and on through the forest. The path leads to a special place, a light source that spins out the dark, the place where soundless echoes come from. I need to see with my own eyes what’s there. I’m carrying an important, sealed, personal letter, a secret to myself.
-Kafka, p.416
A theory that still doesn’t have a good counterevidence is one worth pursuing. And right now, pursuing is the only choice you have. Even if it means sacrificing yourself, you have to pursue it to the bitter end.
-Crow, p.419
I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don’t care if everybody else forgets.
-Miss Saeki, p.460
When you stab the enemy, you’ve got to twist and slash, to cut his guts open. Otherwise, he’ll do it to you. That’s the way the world is outside.
-tall soldier, p.465
If you don’t get it across in words then it’s better not to try.
-Sada, p.480
Everyone of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads – at least that’s where I imagine it – there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.
-Oshima, p.485
Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream. You keep on moving, trying to slip through it. But even if you go to the ends of the earth, you won't be able to escape it. Still, you have to go there --- to the edge of the world. There's something you can't do unless you get there.
-p.488
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of storm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it. It will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. that's what the storm is all about.
-Crow, pp. 5-6
Soon, I’d be launched into the rough adult world, and I knew I’d have to be tougher than anybody if I wanted to survive.
-Kafka, p. 10
A dark omnipresent pool of water.
It was probably always there, hidden away somewhere. But when time comes it silently rushes out, chilling every cell in your body. You drown in that cruel flood, gasping for breath. You cling to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but the air you manage to breathe is dry and burns your throat. Water and thirst, cold and heat -- these supposedly opposite elements combine to assault you.
-Crow, p. 10
In traveling, a companion, in life, compassion…chance encounters keep us going. –Kafka and Sakura, p. 24
What does it matter what it's called? You've got your restrooms and your food. Your fluorescent lights and your plastic chairs. Crappy coffee. Strawberry-jam sandwiches. It's all pointless - assuming you try to find a point to it. We're coming from somewhere, heading somewhere else. That's all you need to know, right?
-Sakura, p. 25
Even chance meetings are a result of karma..that even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.
-Kafka and Sakura, p. 35
Slowly, like a movie fadeout, the real world evaporates. I’m alone, inside the world of the story. My favorite feeling in the world.
-Kafka, p.62
Waiting was a boring task.
-p.90
Everything is there, but there are no parts. Since there are no parts, there’s no need to replace one thing with another. No need to remove anything, or add anything. You don’t have to think about difficult things, just let yourself soak it all in.
-p.90-91
But listening to it (D major), I can feel the limits of what humans are capable of – that a certain type of perfection can only e realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.
-Oshima, p.118
As I sit there under the night sky, again a violent fear takes hold of me. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute, and I can barely breathe. All these millions of stars looking down on me, and I’ve never given them more than a passing thought before. Not just stars – how many other things haven’t I noticed in the world, things I know nothing about? I suddenly feel helpless, completely powerless. And I know I’ll never outrun that awful feeling.
-Kafka, p.142-143
You’re afraid of imagination. And even more afraid of dreams. Afraid of the responsibility that begins in dreams. But you have to sleep. When you’re awake you can suppress imagination. But you can’t suppress dreams.
-Crow, p.145-146
Silence is something you can actually hear.
-Kafka, p.146
You’ve got to look at it this way: this is war. You’re a soldier, and you have to make a decision. Either I kill the castor you kill me. One or the other. You need to make a choice right here and now. This might seem an outrageous choice, but consider this: most choices we make in life are equally outrageous.
-Jhonnie Walker, p.151
You have to look! That’s one of our rules. Closing your eyes isn’t going to change anything. Nothing’s going to disappear just because you can’t see what’s going on. In fact, things will be even worse the next time you open your eyes. That’s the kind of world we live in, Mr. Nakata. Keep your eyes wide open. Only coward closes his eyes. Closing your eyes and plugging up your ears won’t make time stand still.
-Jhonnie Walker, p.155
Kafka, in everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in every few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.
-Oshima, p.171
..what I’m getting at is no matter who or what you’re dealing with, people build up meaning between themselves and the things around them. The important thing is whether this comes about naturally or not. Being bright has nothing to do with it. What matters is that you see things with your own eyes.
-Mr. Hagita, p.201
Yup, you’re in a strange position, all right. You’re in love with a girl who is no more, jealous of a boy who’s gone forever. Even so, this emotion you’re feeling is more real, and more intensely painful, than anything you’re ever felt before. And there’s no way out. No possibility of finding an exit. You’ve wandered into a labyrinth of time, and the biggest problem of all is that you have no desire to get out. Am I right?
-Crow, p.253
As long as there’s such a thing as time, everybody’s damaged in the end, changed into something else. It always happens, sooner or later.
-Miss Saeki, p.259
If a pistol appears in a story, eventually it’s got to be fired.
-Anton Chekhov (Colonel Sanders), p.300
…necessity is an independent concept. It has a different structure from logic, morals or meaning. Its function lies entirely in the role it plays. What doesn’t play a role shouldn’t exist.
-Colonel Sanders, p.300
…whether you come to a place to live or to die, the things you do everyday are about the same.
-Miss Saeki, p.304
The people who build high, strong fences are the ones who survive the best. You deny that reality only at the risk of being driven into the wilderness of yourself.
-Oshima, p.329
Taking crazy things seriously – is a serious waste of time.
-Hoshino, p.352
Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.
-Colonel Sanders, p.352
…but until things happen, they haven’t happened. And often things aren’t what they seem.
-Oshima, p.365
But this is something you have to figure out on your own. Nobody can help you. That’s what love is all about, Kafka. You’re the one having those wonderful feelings, but you have to go it alone as you wander through the dark. Your mind and body have to bear it all. All by yourself.
-Oshima, p.365
…It doesn’t matter what form she takes – a living spirit, an illusion – but you have to see her, have to have her beside you. Your brain is so full of her it’s ready to burst, your body about to explode into pieces. Still no matter how much you want her to be here, no matter how long you wait, she never appears. All you hear is the faint rustle of wind outside, birds softly cooing in the night. You hold your breath, staring off into the gloom. You listen to the wind, trying to read something into it, straining to catch a hint of what it might mean. But all that surrounds you are different shades of darkness. Finally, you give up, close your eyes, and fall asleep.
-Crow, p.369
Chance is a scary thing.
-Hoshino, p.380
Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.
-Miss Saeki, p.408
Like I’m being shoved from behind by sine huge heartbeat, I continue on and on through the forest. The path leads to a special place, a light source that spins out the dark, the place where soundless echoes come from. I need to see with my own eyes what’s there. I’m carrying an important, sealed, personal letter, a secret to myself.
-Kafka, p.416
A theory that still doesn’t have a good counterevidence is one worth pursuing. And right now, pursuing is the only choice you have. Even if it means sacrificing yourself, you have to pursue it to the bitter end.
-Crow, p.419
I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don’t care if everybody else forgets.
-Miss Saeki, p.460
When you stab the enemy, you’ve got to twist and slash, to cut his guts open. Otherwise, he’ll do it to you. That’s the way the world is outside.
-tall soldier, p.465
If you don’t get it across in words then it’s better not to try.
-Sada, p.480
Everyone of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads – at least that’s where I imagine it – there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.
-Oshima, p.485
Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream. You keep on moving, trying to slip through it. But even if you go to the ends of the earth, you won't be able to escape it. Still, you have to go there --- to the edge of the world. There's something you can't do unless you get there.
-p.488
Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of storm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it. It will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.
And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. that's what the storm is all about.
-Crow, pp. 5-6
Soon, I’d be launched into the rough adult world, and I knew I’d have to be tougher than anybody if I wanted to survive.
-Kafka, p. 10
A dark omnipresent pool of water.
It was probably always there, hidden away somewhere. But when time comes it silently rushes out, chilling every cell in your body. You drown in that cruel flood, gasping for breath. You cling to a vent near the ceiling, struggling, but the air you manage to breathe is dry and burns your throat. Water and thirst, cold and heat -- these supposedly opposite elements combine to assault you.
-Crow, p. 10
In traveling, a companion, in life, compassion…chance encounters keep us going. –Kafka and Sakura, p. 24
What does it matter what it's called? You've got your restrooms and your food. Your fluorescent lights and your plastic chairs. Crappy coffee. Strawberry-jam sandwiches. It's all pointless - assuming you try to find a point to it. We're coming from somewhere, heading somewhere else. That's all you need to know, right?
-Sakura, p. 25
Even chance meetings are a result of karma..that even in the smallest events there’s no such thing as coincidence.
-Kafka and Sakura, p. 35
Slowly, like a movie fadeout, the real world evaporates. I’m alone, inside the world of the story. My favorite feeling in the world.
-Kafka, p.62
Waiting was a boring task.
-p.90
Everything is there, but there are no parts. Since there are no parts, there’s no need to replace one thing with another. No need to remove anything, or add anything. You don’t have to think about difficult things, just let yourself soak it all in.
-p.90-91
But listening to it (D major), I can feel the limits of what humans are capable of – that a certain type of perfection can only e realized through a limitless accumulation of the imperfect.
-Oshima, p.118
As I sit there under the night sky, again a violent fear takes hold of me. My heart’s pounding a mile a minute, and I can barely breathe. All these millions of stars looking down on me, and I’ve never given them more than a passing thought before. Not just stars – how many other things haven’t I noticed in the world, things I know nothing about? I suddenly feel helpless, completely powerless. And I know I’ll never outrun that awful feeling.
-Kafka, p.142-143
You’re afraid of imagination. And even more afraid of dreams. Afraid of the responsibility that begins in dreams. But you have to sleep. When you’re awake you can suppress imagination. But you can’t suppress dreams.
-Crow, p.145-146
Silence is something you can actually hear.
-Kafka, p.146
You’ve got to look at it this way: this is war. You’re a soldier, and you have to make a decision. Either I kill the castor you kill me. One or the other. You need to make a choice right here and now. This might seem an outrageous choice, but consider this: most choices we make in life are equally outrageous.
-Jhonnie Walker, p.151
You have to look! That’s one of our rules. Closing your eyes isn’t going to change anything. Nothing’s going to disappear just because you can’t see what’s going on. In fact, things will be even worse the next time you open your eyes. That’s the kind of world we live in, Mr. Nakata. Keep your eyes wide open. Only coward closes his eyes. Closing your eyes and plugging up your ears won’t make time stand still.
-Jhonnie Walker, p.155
Kafka, in everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in every few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.
-Oshima, p.171
..what I’m getting at is no matter who or what you’re dealing with, people build up meaning between themselves and the things around them. The important thing is whether this comes about naturally or not. Being bright has nothing to do with it. What matters is that you see things with your own eyes.
-Mr. Hagita, p.201
Yup, you’re in a strange position, all right. You’re in love with a girl who is no more, jealous of a boy who’s gone forever. Even so, this emotion you’re feeling is more real, and more intensely painful, than anything you’re ever felt before. And there’s no way out. No possibility of finding an exit. You’ve wandered into a labyrinth of time, and the biggest problem of all is that you have no desire to get out. Am I right?
-Crow, p.253
As long as there’s such a thing as time, everybody’s damaged in the end, changed into something else. It always happens, sooner or later.
-Miss Saeki, p.259
If a pistol appears in a story, eventually it’s got to be fired.
-Anton Chekhov (Colonel Sanders), p.300
…necessity is an independent concept. It has a different structure from logic, morals or meaning. Its function lies entirely in the role it plays. What doesn’t play a role shouldn’t exist.
-Colonel Sanders, p.300
…whether you come to a place to live or to die, the things you do everyday are about the same.
-Miss Saeki, p.304
The people who build high, strong fences are the ones who survive the best. You deny that reality only at the risk of being driven into the wilderness of yourself.
-Oshima, p.329
Taking crazy things seriously – is a serious waste of time.
-Hoshino, p.352
Pointless thinking is worse than no thinking at all.
-Colonel Sanders, p.352
…but until things happen, they haven’t happened. And often things aren’t what they seem.
-Oshima, p.365
But this is something you have to figure out on your own. Nobody can help you. That’s what love is all about, Kafka. You’re the one having those wonderful feelings, but you have to go it alone as you wander through the dark. Your mind and body have to bear it all. All by yourself.
-Oshima, p.365
…It doesn’t matter what form she takes – a living spirit, an illusion – but you have to see her, have to have her beside you. Your brain is so full of her it’s ready to burst, your body about to explode into pieces. Still no matter how much you want her to be here, no matter how long you wait, she never appears. All you hear is the faint rustle of wind outside, birds softly cooing in the night. You hold your breath, staring off into the gloom. You listen to the wind, trying to read something into it, straining to catch a hint of what it might mean. But all that surrounds you are different shades of darkness. Finally, you give up, close your eyes, and fall asleep.
-Crow, p.369
Chance is a scary thing.
-Hoshino, p.380
Memories warm you up from the inside. But they also tear you apart.
-Miss Saeki, p.408
Like I’m being shoved from behind by sine huge heartbeat, I continue on and on through the forest. The path leads to a special place, a light source that spins out the dark, the place where soundless echoes come from. I need to see with my own eyes what’s there. I’m carrying an important, sealed, personal letter, a secret to myself.
-Kafka, p.416
A theory that still doesn’t have a good counterevidence is one worth pursuing. And right now, pursuing is the only choice you have. Even if it means sacrificing yourself, you have to pursue it to the bitter end.
-Crow, p.419
I want you to remember me. If you remember me, then I don’t care if everybody else forgets.
-Miss Saeki, p.460
When you stab the enemy, you’ve got to twist and slash, to cut his guts open. Otherwise, he’ll do it to you. That’s the way the world is outside.
-tall soldier, p.465
If you don’t get it across in words then it’s better not to try.
-Sada, p.480
Everyone of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again. That’s part of what it means to be alive. But inside our heads – at least that’s where I imagine it – there’s a little room where we store those memories. A room like the stacks in this library. And to understand the workings of our own heart we have to keep on making new reference cards. We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases. In other words, you’ll live forever in your own private library.
-Oshima, p.485
Time weighs down on you like an old, ambiguous dream. You keep on moving, trying to slip through it. But even if you go to the ends of the earth, you won't be able to escape it. Still, you have to go there --- to the edge of the world. There's something you can't do unless you get there.
-p.488