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BLOGMATES
JOURNAL ENTRIES
SITE CREDITS
This site is Reishin's,
images©Couchart,
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http://cracker23.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default
audentes fortuna juvat: ‘pag nabasa mo’to at nagkita tayo, kunwari nalang hindi ko ‘to ginawa
ABOUT ME:
chalkleight
chalkleight
Los Banos, Laguna, Philippines
usually first impression s'kin mataray,masungit and the likes..uhm,sad to say totoo un kc hndi ako msyadong sociable unless there's something in one person that i really like..sbi ng mga close s'kin good listener dw ako but i think im better in ignoring what they are saying pero when i feel n kylangn mo tlga ng mkikinig sau game ako lalo n kung nkakarelate ako s topic mo..'yoko s mga self-proclaimed..those who say a lot 'bout themselves (who cares 'bout them,anyway?) hehehe..trip ko mga humorous kc moody ako..another thing 'bout me is ung temper ko..uhm,it's always at the edge, u knw what i mean..if u nid 2 knw more basahin mo mga testi s'kin kc im sure they say a lot of things 'bout me.. :]
https://www.blogger.com/profile/15896205344583116855
Sunday, April 27, 2008
‘pag nabasa mo’to at nagkita tayo, kunwari nalang hindi ko ‘to ginawa
‘pag nabasa mo’to at nagkita tayo, kunwari nalang hindi ko ‘to ginawa
Excerpt26April2008,2:45am
Wow!ngayon nalang ulit ako umabot nang ganitong oras. Shayne and I had two Korean films despite my supposed to be resistance. Dapat hindi ako magpupuyat para makatakbo bukas/mamaya. Pero ano pa nga bang asahan sa’kin? Medyo na-miss ko na rin kasi pagpupuyat.
Ang daming nangyari sa buong araw ko (25April). I woke up late. AKR requested me to come early at the office so that I’ll be able to finalize the ASM (American Society for Microbiology) poster for the international lounge of PSM (Philippine Society for Microbiology) convention in Boracay this May 8-10.
8:30am ko na nabasa yung message nya, e 9:00am nya ako pinapapunta kasi may meeting daw sya. Demanding ang lola mo!! What’s the point of hurrying up? I’m sure I’ll be late anyway. I can’t do the magic of getting myself ready in less than 30 minutes. It only works during the regular sems. I moved normally, this time skipping breakfast. Hunger was not able to catch me. Early morning sugar rush maybe. Because of the cake I plunged myself into the previous night. No kidding, I really ate a lot.
By the time I got into the office, AKR was gone to her meeting. Just then I remembered my paper which was to be submitted on my afternoon class. I didn’t work on it immediately though. I faced AKR’s poster first. I’m tired of academic requirements. Two hours before my class, I found related journal articles for my term paper topic. I had no choice but to work on that crap. I finished it just in time for the deadline. I even had time to browse some articles about Rizal’s heroism (see entry PI100: ___________)
My two classes went fine. PI100 became a little interesting while STS1 stayed as boring as ever.
When I was to go back to the dorm, I passed by the graduating students practicing for tomorrow’s event. That was when this damn feeling started loading my whole system, drowning my heart.
I should have been one of them. I should have been as excited as everyone else. I should have been yelling there too. I should have been preparing myself and practicing with them too. I should have been..
Don’t get me wrong. I feel no regrets. It’s just that being left here for another sem scares me. Really, it does. I don’t want to go yet and neither do I want to stay. Ang labo nga e. Let’s just put it this way: I hate goodbyes. I dreaded to see people go and say “See you next time..” The hell with next time. Next time is indefinite and saying so is as good as farewell. And damn it. I’m always the one who is left behind.
As that feeling soaked me all over, I felt the need to run again. But I can’t. Both the upper and the lower fields were occupied by the graduation stages. I just contended myself by walking until I got to nowhere, until I got exhausted and until I found out that I have already wasted P500 just to forget the crazy emotion which was eating me up inside. Magastos talaga malungkot. Mahal ang kaligayahan e. And at the end you will just end up realizing that the burden stays there, and weighs the same.
Gee..I want it all to finish so that I’ll be over this dilemma. If only I could just drink and die just like in the Korean films.
This is not getting me somewhere. The glass is always half-full remember? Hakuna matata!!
Good mornight.
Excerpt26Arpil2008,6:30pm
Right now I can hear the emcee of the program mentioning the names of the graduates. I can imagine each of them..smiling, walking with pride, moving towards their diplomas.
Each name wounds my heart – deeper and bloodier if followed by an honor. If only I could just plug my ears with anything so that the sound wouldn’t reach me. But even if I do so, I know I’ll hear it. If only I could just go somewhere and hide, or run so that I can escape the awful ceremony. But even if there is some place that I could go to, I know I’ll remain here, to let myself whine inside.. I should have been one of them. I should have been as excited as everyone else. I should have been yelling there too. I should have been preparing myself and practicing with them too. I should have been wearing that black and cap too..
Hay..there they are again..the I should have been’s..but I’m not in any case part of it. Instead I’m here trying to focus in the world map spreading sin front of me trying to figure out the route that I’ll be taking someday, trying to memorize every part of it so that the chances of getting lost would be very slim..isn’t it dumb? And trying to ignore the names of my batchmates being roll called to walk up to the stage and complete the graduation rites while their friends are cheering in the background.
Why am I not there? Huh! Can’t you see that I might collapse and would not be able to get up again?? Even if I have no mirror in front of me now, I’m sure that I’m pale.
Excerpt27April2008,2:30am
Umaga na naman. Puyat na naman.
Natapos na ang grad. The fireworks lifted my mood a little and made me able to stand the several pictorial sessions with my friends. I was even smiling in front of every cam. Whether I was faking the smiles or not, that I don’t know.
Nakauwi kami 10 minutes after midnight. Pina-reserve nalang nina Pamy, Jonna and Ussel yung
Pagkauwi, nanood muna kami ni Shayne ng isa pang Korean movie. Kakatapos lang. Bitin as usual. Trademark na yun ng Korean films.
I’m feeling better now. Tapos na yung grad e.^_^
